So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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