There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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