that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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