it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i wish my penis had a tongue
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
