if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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