So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
