I am in a vortex of obligation.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My feet surprised me
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