i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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