I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
