It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
