Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
