life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
