All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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