sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
