Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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