I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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