Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
