Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
