He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
