insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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