So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
