I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
