He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
