mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
