well you can't waste a boner
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
