We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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