Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
