I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
