i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
