I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
