if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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