my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
