I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
