I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
