it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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