Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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