So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
