Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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