we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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