My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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