dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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