I accidentally burped into my bong.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
