At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
