Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
