And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
