His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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