She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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