If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I got inside last night via doggy door
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
