Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
