Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
